My first ever profound revelation in Aikido (but not limited to…) took place just a few classes after I started. It was the first weapons class that I participated in.
Everybody was told to get a jo (a wooden staff of ~120 cm) and Sensei conducted the warm up. It felt very awkward, I was like “OK, I’ve got a stick in my hand… now what? Am I supposed to do something with it?!”. Anyway, it was fine. Then, we had to pair off and to practice basic attacks (uke, the one who attacks) and defenses (nage, the one who defends from uke).
Whenever a beginner joins, there’s usually somebody from the higher ranking students who takes care of him/her. That day, since it was a morning class and there were only a few people present, Sensei himself got to be my partner. He explained how the basic attacks looked like, such that I get an idea on what to do, and got me to exercise those basic attacks in order to be able afterwards to defend, too.
So there I was with a jo in my hands, trying to make a sense out of basic attacks… and being uke. I find it funny myself now, but then I was feeling very… well… idiot, to say the least. I couldn’t even attack right! Sensei had a two hands grip on his jo, holding it almost vertical, in front of the whole body, with a slight angle (going like from the left shoulder to the right foot). Whenever I decided upon a particular attack – never mind being very slow – and moved my jo, I could see the immediate response: getting out the line of attack and parrying in a most precise, fast and determined way. I could sense all these happening just when I was struggling to strike, say, yokomen uchi (lateral strike to the side of the head). The result? Just staying there feeling stupid with the jo freezing in my hand, because the defense was already created and I felt I didn’t even get the chance of properly attacking!
After 2 or 3 attempts, he said that I’m thinking too much about the attack and that he can see that from the half of the second when the move is “freezing”.
I was trying to explain: “Look, if I want to strike for instance on the right shoulder, which is apparently unprotected, then before I’m able to ‘charge’ my hit I can see you directing the jo in that place and before I notice you’re actually out of my way, so it appears like I’m hitting thin air.”
He replied something like: “You see? This is exactly what I’m saying, you’re thinking too much.”
I went like: “Uhm… what?!”
He said: “You’re concentrating on the attack so much, that you forget to attack!” (laughing; now I was really feeling like an idiot)
I said: “OK, I’ll try not to think… so much.”
Epic fail :)
Knowing I came to the dojo brought by my colleague from work, he knew that I’m very much into computers, so he asked (all while I was continuously struggling to be the uke): “Look, let me put it this way: you’re interested in computers, right?”
I go: “Yes, that’s right.”
He continues: “I can’t say the same about me. I mean, of course, I can use a computer, but I don’t do anything more than this. While you and your colleague, you do stuff that are really uncommon for most people who just use computers, from what I understand, right?”
Desperately trying to focus both on the conversation and on striking and moving: “Uhm… yeah. Kind of…”
He goes on: “So, although you do those uncommon things on computers – uncommon for me and others like me – do you find any difficulty in it?”
Me: “Erm… well… it depends… There are things I don’t know yet, but learn if I have to.”
Him: “Yes, of course, but the things you generally have to do: do they pose a problem to you?”
Me: “No, generally no.”
Him: “Why not? Because they would pose a problem to me.”
Me: “Uhm… well… I started using computers a long while ago and for most situations I use some skills that I’ve formed long ago.”
Him: “Aha… I see. So you use something you’ve learned. Well, you know, this goes the same for everything. You just can’t get something right from the first time. You need to have that… that… how did you call it?”
Me (puzzled, as I was feeling really lost, I couldn’t focus on both the conversation and the attack): “How did I call… what?”
Him: “You said a word earlier… knowing what to do in a certain situation.”
Me (after a few seconds): “Uhm… skill?”
Him: “Yeah, skill!”
Me: “Uhm… yep.”
Him (shouting): “Stop!”
Me (freezing): “???”
Him (laughing): “See? That’s just it!”
Me (puzzled): “That’s… what?”
Him (trying to stop from laughing): “I’m sorry, I hope you don’t feel offended, I was running a small ‘experiment’ on you… and it turned out I was right. You see, it’s just what I was telling you: you were thinking too much!”
Me: “???”
Him: “You finally got it right, you started hitting like you were supposed to. The jo didn’t freeze anymore… when you started to concentrate more on the talk than on the attack! It’s your mind that blocks you!“
Yep, for me this discovery was a shock indeed :)
There’s a common saying among Aikido practitioners: “Don’t think – just DO!” Well, in that moment I started to understand it.
