N o t e :
This is a late-night essay inspired from a great post of Uchi Deshi and other related blog entries that I forgot where they came from since I read them. Discovering, at the beginning of my journey in Aikido, that others found it hard too and had their doubts… I realized I’m not a singular case. Sometimes you just need “a good kick in the butt to get back on track” :) A big “Thanks!” for everybody who shared their feedback on the times they were not-so-sure.
Motivation. Maybe it’s not the most inspired title, but it’s somewhere around the whole point… I’m not referring to “motivation” as in “why do you train?”, but as in “why do you keep training?”. It’s a huge difference. So maybe the right term for the post’s title should have been “eagerness”, “willpower” or even “stubbornness”, I don’t know.
Being able to find a motivation or to keep being motivated is an enormous step forward, in anything you’d try to do. I’d like to point out though that this is a fairly large concept, which is why it’s necessary to distinguish between inner motivation (or eagerness, for instance) and outer motivation.
Since the outer motivation depends strictly on what a given situation might provide (e.g. “If they give me credit for it, I’m motivated to do it.”), it is clearly something that changes according with the, let’s say, environment. So it doesn’t come from within your very being.
As opposed to this, the inner motivation starts, grows and stays alive all within yourself. It’s what kicks you to a good start, it’s what keeps your interest, it’s the sum of reasons you create for yourself in order to keep doing something.
You might often find that it’s more easy to decide upon starting something and, given the nature of the human being, you expect some palpable results to come sooner or later. This “sooner or later” is what might be disappointing sometimes. People tend, especially nowadays, to “run through” things. They seem to have lost their patience. And remember, patience has always been considered a virtue :)
So what becomes in this case of the inner motivation? I think all the possibilities rest solely within ourselves. You can abandon or you can pursue. You can try hard or you can lie to yourself.
This sounds fine in “theory” but it’s not that simple in “real life”, some might argue. It’s the same with Aikido. There are people of incredible will and there are also quitters. I often felt unsure of my training, of my progress, of my capacities… and I still do. But it seems to come down to mental training. No, not “optimism” – that’s as silly as the thought of “being lucky”. Train your mind, sharpen your spirit, broaden your vision. Take your time to look back and visualize where you started from. Change is in the human nature, it’s the main consequence of evolution. The concept of “evolution” itself is to step forward, to aim for, to improve, to perfect, to polish. Adaptation. Willpower. Eagerness. A trained mind can achieve anything.
When you stop striving for, aiming for… you’re getting against the natural tendency. You’re getting in conflict with “the flow”, with everything. People change, places change, the world changes… and you think you can allow yourself to simply quit?!
By counting myself among the living ones, it means I still have the chance to move on, to better myself, and I’m going to take full advantage of it.
I use the same strategy when doubt and frustration come in the way. I might be clumsier than 99% of the population and I might be the world’s most slow learner… but I want to go on. I know improvements are possible and tangible, even for me! So why quit? Clumsy? Slow learner? Just show up. This is the secret of Aikido. Just remember: it’s all within your mind, it’s all inside of YOU.
